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| Time: | 11:28 pm. |
| Music: | moldy peaches- jorge regula. |
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so. I work in Clarkstown Justice Court. I sit in a corner all by myself and staple papers and rip other packets apart. I'm sorting cases from the 70s. They all deal with marijuana or stealing shirts from bradlees or caldors. Talk about throw-back. Once in awhile I come across a case about a mystic burying evil auras in a gold box and scamming a woman out of 2500 dollars. Anyways. I'm there for the money. But since it's 9-5, m-f, I have no time to paint anymore. Or sleep in.
I work will all women. A bit of a drag cos it's all men-bashing and gossip all the time.. But the judges, police officers, others that pass through are nice. Today some guy in the staff lounge almost convinced me to go watch some of the court cases. But i'm used to my little corner and piles of paper and i'm not ready for any judge judy action. My boss is making me go in on wednesday though. So i can pretend to be interested in the legal system then.
I haven't seen any geneseo friends yet this summer. This is a problem. I'll see Mike & Joe in a few weeks, Lily too. Sarah and Emily soon. I just want to move into my house and host cocktail parties damnit.
I'm starting to get my head wrapped around the things i want. I'll put tired affairs to rest and move on. September will be a good month.
some goals of the week: Get Jesse's painting DONE, start Averys. Drop off 6 rolls of film to be developed. Finish off the roll in my camera first. Don't drink too much at the party. Pay back mom $200.
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Found another picture that Winston took. This one was one of the best days of my life. My art show with Lindsey & Molly in August of 2008.
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Winston took this picture of me on one of the saddest days of my life. I look at it a lot. Even though I carry the prayer card in my wallet, this evidence seems more tangible.
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| Time: | 2:19 am. |
| Music: | jana hunter. |
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my room is green and beautiful.
I've become a homebody this summer. I like spending time with my parents. so what!
If i get this art thing right...my designs could be in urban outfitters. no, really. serious possibility.
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don't worry. I listened to the Bowerbirds all by myself.
(whatever)
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| Time: | 8:10 pm. |
| Music: | wooden birds. |
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about to head out for the night. thought i'd post quickly.
I've been playing a lot of pool this summer. Spending time with friends has been real good. I started a new painting. It's really soft, of feathers and triangle patterns. It's for myself. It gets me really excited, to work on something that i think is really great.
I went to the bronx zoo with lena & sam and snapped some good pictures. I cried when i saw the giraffes. no one saw. I couldn't get a good picture of them and it made me more sad.
Yesterday I spent the day with Lindsey walking by Nyack beach. It was perfect weather with the river breeze. We took a quick ride into jersey to look around the camera store i like and then we found a sweet record shop with tons of things. Linds was stoked to find a mahavishnu orchestra album. I couldnt settle on anything and wanted to save my monies so i just bought a lot of film at the camera place for Arizona. That night i went to Liza's house for the first time. beautiful brownstone. i'm movin in. We drank and did the usual things. Played some games. I drunk text=problem. whatever, right?
I'm really liking Wooden Birds. American Analog Set member's new proj.
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| Time: | 9:37 pm. |
| Music: | finches. |
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hmm you know what would be cool? If anthropologie would call me back.
Besides tryin to make a few bucks. I've been trying too keep busy by wandering malls, painting pictures, cooking meals, baking brownies, drinking nightly cocktails with my mom (vodka tonics today), reading a book. Tomorrow me & my dad are going to a camera shop to get the Olympus FTL cleaned//get some film. I went to Rite Aid tonight to see if i could pick up some film and had forgotten how obsolete it is now. They only had a 4 pack of 35 mm, but not the kind i wanted.
I want to go hang out with my brothers.
I know how badly I wanted to come home & all...but I made some good friends those last few weeks at Geneseo. Left a lot of loose ends. I know next semester will be good b/c of this. I've got a crush. I'm 13 again, obviously. It's all wrong in most ways but I'll see how it pans out in September.
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| Time: | 12:01 am. |
| Music: | Bonnie "Prince" Billy. |
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I've been home since friday. Through being at school i've discovered a new love for Nyack & my family. It feels great not to worry about tests/deadlines. I can lay around all day & be a crazy cat lady.
I'm the first of the "group" to get home from school, the rest get home Thursday. Cay left today for Paris so I have two days to be a total recluse, my favorite. I have a lot of projects and a hopeful job to occupy my summer. I will learn to print, paint, and draw better, I will also learn to cook before I live in this house next year and must learn to feed myself:
Living with Mel, Sarah, and Lily should be pretty perfect. We get along well.
I was digging through some stuff under the stairs today and found this:
I'm pretty excited to learn how to use it. I'm going to bring it to Arizona with me. I'm really excited to have a family vacation and to spend more time with my two brothers. We're doing cheesy tours like an off-roading "pink jeep" adventure and seeing the night sky with a guide. But also seeing a fair amount of parks & doing a lot of hiking. We're seeing the Grand Canyon again. We're going to the South Rim this time. A few years ago we went to Las Vegas and the North Rim. It was easily my favorite vacation. The North Rim is less touristy and quieter. I remember laying on a bench looking at the sky at midnight and it was a thrill to know that the huge canyon was right beside me with nothing in between. Of course the no-fence thing led to some pretty terrifying photo ops between me & the bros... The parents weren't happy when the film was developed.
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Saturday, April 25th, 2009
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Everything is drawing to a close here. And it feels like it's moving at the right speed. it's gorgeous out, 78 degrees, a little too warm. I gotta wake sarah up to go to Rochester again. I feel happy.
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Saturday, April 18th, 2009
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I've been having a weird day. I woke up angry with myself because i accidentally fell asleep drunkenly last night and missed a visit from W. The party was fun though, i was out of my element but meeting a lot of people. But when I got too messy, I removed myself and stumbled on home.
anyways. I woke up early today b/c i had plans to do gift shopping with Sarah in Rochester. by the time she was ready, it was 12:30. We went to a couple different shops that weren't all that great for what we needed so I gave up and dropped her off at home and drove back to Geneseo by myself. At home in Nyack, I drive around aimlessly at night with music on loud when i need to sort out my thoughts. I follow the familiar route 9w for awhile before turning back and driving around congers. Today, on my way back from Roch, I zoned out for a perfect 25 minutes. It was comfortable until i realized that I physically missed W. I always miss him on the long stretches of time that pass between our visits, but having him there with me all day thursday just heightened everything. I wish i could have my friend around all the time. for team naps and more listening parties. here's to dreamin.
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Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
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"i like to pretend i’m deep and mysterious. truthfully, i’m not. i’m simple, and easy to please. but, you don’t fall for girls that won’t break your heart"
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Marc Johns.
http://www.marcjohns.com/
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the real reason that I didn't send the postcard to you: I wrote what I feel about you on it. The last time I did that, you ruined everything. My stomach knew it would happen again. sending it would be a death wish. But sending my emotions in the mail or not, you managed to do it anyways. The postcard with Mount Eerie and the teardrops will remain in my possession as a representation of what could have been, like everything about you is.
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| Time: | 9:10 pm. |
| Music: | Little Wings. |
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Arman, I'm sorry for the things I said to you. You're a beautiful person, worth everything. I have so many amazing memories of you. You gave me so much happiness, watching weeds bootleg the day after, driving me to tim hortons the morning after i lost my virginity to talk and drink apple cider, smoking hookah in the arboretum, when you asked me to be your valentine (it's okay you didn't deliver, really), playing board games with you and lily, smoking weed in your car, watching flag football, broomball, when you bought me that really nice vodka and made everyone chip in, I could probably go on for a few hours. point is, I love you, and I will forever. I'll never forget you and what you taught me. Our Armani
http://www.13wham.com/news/local/story/Police-Investigate-Geneseo-Students-Death/3f5exucQ7USxiyIUmPffFQ.cspx
-This day was really funny. You and Lily were so happy and just taking picture after picture on my iphoto.
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Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
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| Time: | 6:56 am. |
| Music: | thanksgiving. |
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I'm happy.
I keep thinking that things will go wrong soon. but why do they have to?
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Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
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I wish I could focus more on this french studying.
home in a week. YIPPIEE
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Monday, December 1st, 2008
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It's been a really long time since I've cried like this. A friend from high school, who is also my mom's godson, hung himself today. It makes me enormously sad, and I wish I could be at home. I spent so many days at Spencer's house when I was little, his big brother was like another brother to me when I was young. I have always felt that suicide is the most selfish act though. I feel so much for their families and angry at the deceased. There is always another option, another person to turn to, even when you think there is no one. A girl from my college also killed herself this year, by walking in front of a truck. Imagine the life of that truck driver now. Last year a friend told me that he wanted to die and felt that there was no other option in his life, we sat together and just listened to kimya dawson and talked for a long time. I never know exactly how to talk to people in those situations, but I just try. Which is why I want to become a therapist, i suppose.
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kt_burrr's journal
